Dear Diary

Some nights may get lonely because sometimes you want that companionship or just company. Even just laying there alone, as the night and cold winter air is sweeping in, you just want someone to lay with, cuddle or just their presence. Sharing that space or sharing that environment with someone can make you feel whole, relaxed or satisfied. I believe God, the Holy Spirit, does know your heart. I believe being on a healing or single journey, loneliness can be a test and apart of that journey. When you learn how to manage these type of lonely situations, it makes the journey more worth it. Not texting your ex, not reaching out to just anyone. Not just responding back to those messages you got in your inbox. You are really just sitting in the loneliness. Really thinking about what you’re craving. Like, what is your loneliness craving? What is it that you truly want and desire in those lonely moments? Do you want companionship? Do you want someone there or are you just not where you really want to be in life? I say this because what if you were reaching your goals? What if you were healing? What if you were showing up a better version of yourself every day? Would that loneliness look the same? Would that loneliness look the same as the loneliness of not reaching your full potential of the person that you know you’re meant to be? I ask this because you can feel lonely at your full potential because you are ready to share that fulfillment with someone. Or, you cannot be at your full potential and just want to share that fulfillment with the career you’re meant to be in or the finances you’re supposed to endure. Sometimes we crave loneliness for different things. Some want companionship while others just want to fill it with goals and accomplishments. What I do know is God made everyone for someone. What I do know is that goals, accomplishments and wealth can fulfill that loneliness as well for some people. 

 Let’s define loneliness. Loneliness is:

1“Having nobody to talk to

2Feeling disconnected from the world.

3Feeling left out

4Sadness

5Not feeling understood” (Hammond, 2018a).

Loneliness is driven by our human need to connect with one another

Loneliness produces negative emotions

Loneliness is a subjective state that depends on our perceptions and cognition (thinking)

When at your full potential, while you’re healing, and also just loving who you are as a person, looking in the mirror and physically loving what you see, challenge that loneliness. Learn how to get through that loneliness, sit in that loneliness and manage that loneliness. The loneliness is temporary, the loneliness comes when it knows that you are at your weakest or just simply trying to relax. Loneliness is a challenge. There will be crying days, there will be days that you think about settling for anything. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you will do it, but the thought may cross your mind. Loneliness can bring impatience. Loneliness can bring frustration, anxiety, and depression. If you are a believer, you may question God. Loneliness creeps up and it’s unexpected. However, challenging this loneliness can bring awareness, learning things about yourself and to fully understand what you want in these lonely moments. 

With that being said, at the end of the day, it’s really just questions of: How will you handle your loneliness? What are you willing to do or sacrifice? Is loneliness worth it? If you are on the healing journey, a mission to accomplish goals or simply in your single season, loneliness will be your biggest challenge. However, you will be in control of the outcome. So what will you do in the moment of your loneliness?

Loneliness is caused not by being alone… Loneliness appears always to be a response to the absence of some particular type of relationship or, more accurately, a response to the absence of some particular relational provision” (Weiss, 1973)

Resource: The Stigma and Shame of Loneliness