I HATE MY BODY, I HATE MY PERSONALITY,I HATE MYSELF!
Everyone has something to say about self-love right?! What does self-love look like for you? Going out to dinner by yourself? Going shopping by yourself? Spending any quality time with yourself? Well for me, it’s waking up everyday knowing your worth. Knowing you are capable of whatever you put your mind to. Knowing yourself and loving every part about you. Looking in the mirror knowing how beautiful or handsome you are. Never needing reassurance from anyone. Never questioning who you are. Knowing how to properly appreciate yourself without putting yourself in bad situations. Yes, we will do that from time to time but only because sometimes we just like to explore that bad side of us lol. Self-love can mean many things to different people. Some may not even understand what that feels like. Due to not knowing self-love we tend to become people we aren’t, don’t like or don’t want to be. We allow people to take advantage of us and to take us for granted. We allow things to continuously happen to us until it almost break us. Everyone has their story. Everyone has their journey. What is it that you’re doing or can do to make sure you have Self-love? Watch my video below to learn what I struggle with.
Find out what are some things or areas where you feel less confident in. Be able to identify for yourself. This will help you find what it is you need to work on in order to get to your goal of finding self-love. Try to be alone when you do things. Try to write thoughts in your journal. If you hate writing, record yourself on your phone. Sometimes watching a video about us communicating what we are struggling with helps us see how much we want change. Looking at yourself sad or talk about this may make you cringe ?. In the video, I revealed to you what I struggle with. That’s hard to share with the world but I’m changing and working towards that goal everyday! Make the change, love every part of you and walk with confidence and purpose.
Welcome! Just a little about my blog. I wanted this content/blog to be about real life experiences. This can range from things we deal with on day to day basis or life experiences. I didn’t want to limit your experience here and focus on one topic. With that being said, there will be Dear Diary articles and Vlogs, myself or others experience in their everyday lives. Exploring relationships, breakups, mental health, education, pregnancy or different resources. I want this blog to be real and transparent. I want my readers and viewers to be able to relate, gain resources and possibly become educated on different topics. Please subscribe and reach out if there is something you want to see more of. Enjoy your experience here!
Dear Diary
OH so you want to go back to the old you????
You are ready to get back to your old ways right? Woman of God but going through life? Ready to get back to being comfortable and back to F this right? You are ready to just get back to the life that you once knew. Loving God but also doing what you wanted to do and not being obedient to his word. You trust God you do, but you’ve been broken, hurt, not walking your path and questioning your purpose?
Ready to go back to the woman you used to be. The one that didn’t have feelings, the one who used to get their lick back (Romans 12:17-21) and the one who didn’t have emotions. You’re ready to be a born again savage right?
At what point in your life would you stop allowing your past, present and future take you back to the person you’ve grown from? Serving christ, loving yourself and taking care of yourself. Reaching goals and creating great memories in your life. Some way and some how, here you are being tested! Here comes situations that make you want to revert backwards. Here comes life stabbing you in the chest and ready to give up being grounded and obedient. At what point will life stop kicking your ass? Yes, we are strong, but who wants to keep being strong? Who wants to keep dealing with things that aren’t helping them grow or elevate in life. Who wants to struggle? Here you are conflicted right?
Trust God they say. Present your requests to God. No weapon formed against you will prosper. Have faith. Pray about it. We hear all these things right? You know that you’re on the right path and that you are serving God and being obedient, but that flesh! That flesh is wanting to worry, wanting to go back to comfort and ready to be the person they used to be because that person got through it. That person had a shield and was guarded. That person was all you knew. Now, you’re facing obstacles, dealing with deceiving people, life is trying to break you down in ways you didn’t even know could happen. Life isn’t going the way you thought or wanted.
Giving up that control and becoming obedient is not easy. Healing is not easy. Who said walking with Christ would be easy though? Changing bad habits are hard. Changing any habits or routines that are of flesh and not God is hard. Saying no to things you want to say yes to or used to say yes to is hard! It’s like your spirit becomes convicted. You really start to get in your word, spend time in prayer or just having devotion and spending time with God. This walk, you will be tested, you will feel defeated and you will want to turn back. When Christ has an anointment over your life, Phew, God will continue to pull you right back onto your path. No matter how many times you veer off.
It’s easy to go back to your old ways and habits. It’s easy to go back to controlling the outcome of your life and living the way you want to live. The real challenge is surrendering. The real challenge is being obedient in your walk and journey. The confliction is, yes you are comfortable in who you used to be, but were you happy with the outcomes? Were you waking up everyday happy or having joy with life and the choices you were making? Or should you keep being obedient? Serving your purpose or path will not always look like stars and rainbows. You won’t always be happy because im sure God is having you do things you dont want to do. However, that outcome is everything. Its not for your understanding. God will reveal and Guide.
Therefore, even on those hard days, testing days, crying days, lonely days and maybe financial struggling days, just know the path you are on is worth it. That confliction you are having is just a test. You will get through that as long as you keep choosing God. That confliction is not worth going back to who you used to be. No matter how hard life gets, serving your purpose and path is so much more rewarding. You deserve to keep trying and to keep going. Life wasn’t meant to be easy but it was meant to have God walking along side of you in this battle. Don’t you dare allow someone to take you back to the person you used to be. You grew, evolved and elevated in life because you decided to make that change. What God has for you will be for you in HIS TIME. Keep fighting, surrendering and being obedient. God sees and hears you! Your time is coming.
Now Go open that word, pray and get that spirit together!
I can’t breathe!!! Can we please talk about how serious Anxiety is? Just when you think you have your anxiety under control…BOOM! Another episode. What is anxiety?
Anxiety is chest tightness, can’t breathe, you feel like your body tense up with chills. You are crying uncontrollably. Trying to do breathing exercises, tapping, praying. Nothing is working right? You can’t control this feeling. It’s like your chest is ready to burst out. It’s like you are shaking and just want to scream. You are nervous but panicking at the same time. Maybe you’re vomiting, restless or just feel sick to your stomach. You have all these uncomfortable emotions going on and your mind is just racing and you can’t stop. It’s like a uncomfortable adrenaline that’s overwhelming you. We have all these symptoms but what’s causing this?
So much can cause anxiety. The number one thing is life! Sometimes you can just get so overwhelmed with life that you start to have an anxiety episode. You can be laying in bed trying to go to sleep and before you know it, it’s morning. You never went to sleep. Sometimes you become so overwhelmed with things you have to do or things you haven’t done that it’s a trigger for your anxiety. Sometimes it can be that life isn’t going as planned or so many things in your life you’re trying to gain some sense of control but can’t. Everyone’s experiences are different. You can have bad anxiety for different life experiences. Your trigger can be driving the highway and it’s too much traffic. Your mind starts to have all these thoughts and you begin to overwhelm yourself and start to trigger your anxiety. Society itself can be a trigger for anxiety. There are so many things that can cause anxiety episodes or triggers. Sometimes people don’t even realize they have anxiety. Maybe knowing you have to get up in the morning for work triggers your anxiety.
Anxiety is not something that’s shameful. Embrace your anxiety. Seek help if needed. Come up with ways that can help you reduce your anxiety. It’s okay to have episodes here and there. It’s okay to experience anxiety. It’s all apart of life. How about you comment below and share your anxiety stories. This can help someone who maybe struggling themselves or doesn’t recognize they are experiencing anxiety. So I ask you, what’s your experience with anxiety? How are you able to manage it?
References
Going into another single season. I don’t know when this season for me will end but what I do know is, it’s a special single season. Going through a breakup is not easy. It hurts, it’s sad, you feel alone at times and who doesn’t want to come home to their forever after? Although It’s another single season for me, I know this season will be different. I am walking into 30 guys. I am about to be 30. I may not be married, have children or have the career I want yet but guess what? ITS COMING. You see, I always did everything on my time. Doing things I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. When I started getting on the right path with God and spending more time with him, I was able to understand all the things I was doing wrong. Not only that, I was able to create a relationship with myself and love on myself a little more.
Back to what I was saying though. I am going into my 30 year old season as well. During this season I want to accomplish the things that I’ve been going after for so long. I have to seek God into my steps. Get into his presence and allow him to speak to me and through me. I want to be able to heal the way I’m supposed to heal walking into this season. I want to forgive the people that have betrayed me and hurt me in my past. I want to remain in his grace and to walk out on crazy faith. This year is going to be the year I learn what God has been wanting for my life. Not moving how I want to move but to move how he wants me to move. These past two years has been challenging. I have had so many failures, downfalls, heart breaks and inconsistencies. Don’t get me wrong now, I have been blessed those years as well. However, this year 2022, I want more of God, accomplishments, and self-love. I want this season of my life to be WHAT GOD WANTS FOR MY LIFE. Even if I’m single for only 4 months (lol you see how I said that), I want who God has for me. His pick will always be the best pick for me.
Going into my 30 year old season, I don’t want to repeat the same cycles. Yes it feels good to go back to the pattern’s and cycles you know. It’s so comfortable there right?! Who doesn’t want to be comfortable? I want to be comfortable God! But guess what? Those repeated cycles gave me the same repeated outcomes. I got nowhere in my life seeking those same comfortable cycles. Make me uncomfortable. Show me the unknown and prepare me for whatever door you’re about to open in this season of my life. I want all the smoke God lol. I’m ready to go on this unknown Journey. I don’t know what to expect but I am praying and seeking God when making decisions and for the things I would love to accomplish this year. I am not perfect and I know it won’t be easy but guess what, I AM READY FOR IT ALL THIS YEAR! LETS GET IT♥️
Can you even see your Vagina? Emotional/Mental abuse is real. Sometimes it’s hard to understand how someone so close to you who say they care for you, are the same ones willing to break you down.
Already struggling with own insecurities and weight issues? Imagine sharing your body and intimacy with someone who hates the way you look. Always criticizing you telling you, you need to lose weight or you need to get surgery. Controlling what you eat. Telling you, you need a salad or you need to just stop eating. The moment you’re having a great day feeling great about your weight, they take it away from you. “You just need to tighten up your stomach more, you need to just try surgery.” In the shower and asking you can you see your vagina? “No you can’t your stomach too big to see it”.
Hearing this all the time, but they think this is support. They think they’re just pushing you to your goals. They are hard on you because they just want you to be happy with yourself. BULLSHIT. What does mental abuse mean exactly?
Means a willful verbal or nonverbal action that threatens, humiliates, harasses, coerces, intimidates, isolates, unreasonably confines, or punishes a vulnerable adult
Maybe people believe that this is helping them or that it’s encouraging. Or maybe they are emotional and mental abusers because they think this is being “real.” They are just being so honest with you! Maybe they just want you to look how they want you to look. Does this make it okay? Maybe they’re just insecure about themselves. Maybe they need to try to break you down to feel better about themselves. Maybe they’re toxic minded people that are negative. All their life they’ve been surrounded by toxic people or negative energy so that’s all they know. So they bring that abuse, energy and toxicity to your life. It’s so easy for a person to try to break you when they already see your insecurity is your weakness.
Make sure to never settle for this type of behavior. Sometimes we don’t even realize it’s being done. Protect your mental. Gain strength and realize enough is enough. Walk away from people that just want to break you down slowly because they’re broken. This was not a normal experience nor was it okay.
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